If only I had a boyfriend, I’d be happy… If only I could find a job, I’d be happy… If only we had more money, I’d be happy…
Does this sound like you? Prepared to be happy, someday.
Happiness is a state of being, but it is also a choice. If you are not happy right now, ‘because’ you don’t have a boyfriend, or ‘because’ you don’t have a job, or … then it is because you have made the decision, whether consciously or unconsciously, to respond to your current situation by being unhappy. Starting today, why not change that choice, and choose to be happy?
One common, and completely avoidable, cause of unhappiness is believing that your emotional needs can only be met by someone else. Your need to be lovable, attractive, desirable, worthwhile, etc is filled when someone who matters demonstrates that they believe you to be these things. You become involved with a wonderful person, who clearly finds you very special. And so, for a while, you are happy. But it’s a fragile and incomplete happiness, because of the constant fear that something will change, and that at some point that wonderful person will no longer be part of your life, and will stop filling those emotional needs. It’s a lot of pressure to put on that other person – complete responsibility for your happiness. Kind of suffocating, really.
The key to lasting happiness is to find within yourself that which will meet your emotional needs. Once you can love yourself, you can easily accept that you must be lovable. Once you value yourself, for who you are, then you know that you are worthwhile.
Only then can you enter into relationships with others in a healthy, loving way that does not involve the need for them to make you feel like you’re ‘enough’. Such a relationship can be a relationship based on connection, and awareness of the other, and focusing on giving, rather than a relationship based on your own needs, and how the other can fill them.
Better still, happiness from within can’t be taken away from you, and remains even though your live circumstances may change. You can embrace a job loss as an opportunity to try something new, instead of taking it as a clear sign that you’re not good enough. As such, you are much more likely to be successful in finding a new job than you would be if you oozed desperation.
Start today – stop looking elsewhere for the answers to your emotional needs.
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